question 3

A concept that I wish we could of discussed more from the book was intimate relationships. I have basically answers to a lot of the areas in my life, but when it comes to my intimate relationships, I seem to just miss the lessons every time. Intimate relationships are such a big part of our life. The media also puts a lot of pressure on people obtaining and sustaining intimate relationships. They are literally an obsession in our culture. For example, if a person doesn't want to get married and that isn't their ultimate goal, people tend to gasp and feel sorry for them. How come we have such an obsession with intimate relationships and we fear growing old alone. That is the biggest fear of so many people and to be honest i find it ridiculous. I am the opposite. I don't want to get married, I could care less about growing old and alone. But I get so many people startled by how I feel. I think this is because of the media. In every movie, there is always some love interest. Don't' get me wrong I love being in love, but I also know how to love being alone. I find myself constantly fighting the medias persuasion on love. I think intimate relationships are something we all could learn a thing or too about. It would also be nice to do some real-life exercises to practice communication in intimate relationships.

question 2

There were many concepts that I found to be interesting so I am going to mention more than one. The first concept that caught my attention in the class had to do with self-disclosure. I find myself intrigued by this concept because I have a little problem with it. I am way to open for my own good. But see then I question that and go, wait a minute who says I am way to open and according to what standard? I am very comfortable in my own skin so if I think something I usually say it out loud and if I have any kind of questions about what I go through in my life, I am the first one to ask. I have no shame about what I experience as a human. Self-disclosure is something that I am familiar with and in the book it was often spoken about in connection to building closer relationships. I have many close friendships that have lasted for up to 18 years. However my intimate relationships all have a common pattern and I do not nearly self-disclose half as much with the people I date than I do with my friends.
Another concept I liked in the class was related to pathos. Pathos is referred to as achieving credibility with your audience when speaking publicly or privately. I like to consider myself as someone who is very credible and I do this by practicing integrity.

last week question 1

Rhetorical criticism is the kind of methodology that I found to be most interesting. This is because I am most fascinated with how people can persuade others to do things or believe certain ideas. I am constantly trying to fight what people tell me to do my entire life. For example, teachers or my parents would tell me who I need to be and anytime they did I would reply with "who says?" I don't just trust someone and what they are telling me because they say I should. Rhetorical criticism questions some of that.
The deception I would enjoy studying most would be my ex-boyfriend being deceitful when he cheated on me. The research question I would frame about it is: How does a boy and a girl interact with one another when they know they are cheating on their partner? I would chose the Ethnography methodology to decipher this situation. This method is when I would get to go undercover and watch them from a distance or pretend I am someone else and interact with them as well. I think this methodology would be kind of fun and I would get to see some harsh truths that are apart of our world that we all have to face at times.

question 3

The concept that caught my attention was the idea of interpersonal communication and not being able to hide from it. According to Trenholm, "We can hide in the back of a classroom or make ourselves unobtrusive in a committee meeting, but when we communicate in a meeting face to face with one other person, we cannot hide" (p. 141). This caught my attention because I am big on meeting someone face to face. I judge everything from their shoes, to their hair and their body language and facial expressions. I have learned that I do this to protect myself. Because I have encountered some bad people, I tend to be on the defense when I meet new people. But I don't show it at all. I know that if I show it, people will in turn judge me. So I make sure that I keep a smile on my face and I make sure to ask a lot of questions. I don't want the people that I meet to know I am judging them because then they will act differently and then I can't get a good reading on who they truly are. I am a very good judge of character because I went to a boarding school in Ensenada, Mexico. This school did not educate me very well intellectually but it did educate me emotionally on all kinds of things. We would have to give people feedback every single day. Feedback is when you see something in someone else that they can improve on. So we became trained to read people to be able to give feedback.

Question 2

This is a very interesting question for me to answer. I know exactly what want when I put someone in the dating category or the friend category. This is going to sound very funny; but I like skater boys. That means if a guy doesn't skateboard, he probably won't ever be someone I would date. It isn't just the clothes of a skater boy, but it is the attitude. Many skater like guys tend to have laid back personalities. I also have a lot of common interests with them because I like to watch skateboarding I also like that they are passionate about something and they look pretty hot while doing it. One of the funny things I do when I meet a boy is look at if hes wearing skater shoes when we meet. If he isn't I am immediately uninterested. They could be my friends but not someone I find attractive.
Ducks theory makes complete sense to me! I do it all of the time and the funny thing is I know I do it, but I still do it anyways. I have actually maintained friendships with people that are all over the world. I went to a boarding school in Mexico, Ensenada when I was 15-years-old and ended up becoming friends with everyone there. I still talk to about half of them so I have learned to master some of the filters and some of them I still follow.

Question 1

In my experience with relationships, the hardest concept to change would be the rigid complementary. According to Trenholm this is when "the submissive partner begins to resent always giving in or when the dominant partner begins to tire of being in charge, dissatisfaction can result"(p. 148). I have definitely experienced this kind of relationship and it became impossible to change. The person that is the submissive role does resent the person in the dominant role and it doesn't change because there is no trust that they truly want it to be different. For example, my ex boyfriend always assumed I liked wearing the pants in our relationship, and this assumption made it impossible for us to ever grow into something different. He didn't believe me that I wanted it to be equal and so we would try and make things different but it wouldn't really ever work. A lot of times people are so fed up with the way things are, that they make it up in their heads that it won't work. Rigid complementary also damages the self-esteem of both partners. The one who is dominant thinks everything is all good and then the other person will act out because they don't feel like everything is all good which causes the dominant one to lose trust in the submissive one. The submissive partner loses self-esteem as well because they feel less of a person if they don't "stand up" to the dominant one.

post 3

I found the concept on cultures being interesting. Specifically the concept about cultures being shared. According to Trenholm, "Cultures are group understandings rather than individual ones, and belonging to a culture means acting according to group norms" (p. 344). I consider my group of friends a particular sub-culture. We all call our group "The Burn-outs". Whatever we do, we do it hard and end up passing out everywhere. We are all always trying to recover from something we did the night before. We have even made jokes about documenting our burned out lives. I adore my culture with my friends. But I am also apart of another culture that I don't necessarily agree with. The culture of America. The pressure to be pretty, to make money, to go to school and get good grades, and the pressure to please others. According to Trenholm, "Indeed, we spend a good deal of time proving who we are and living up to the expectations of others"(p. 344). This is a sad but true notion in a lot of cultures. If one does something wrong that isn't considered culturally acceptable, they get reprimanded for it. It makes me question how free we really are in America.

Question 2

I don't know if I agree that we are all bale to make rational decisions. I believe that we have capability to do so but only of you are taught how. A lot of people are not taught how to make rational decisions so I would say we definitely have a world where we don't know what we are doing half of the time. I don't believe we are perfect at all nor should we ever try to be. I am not religious ins any way and so I do not agree with the idea that we are born in sin but can achieve good. I believe we are who we are and that's good enough. I do agree with the mutability premise. I have seen this to be true in my own life. Anytime I have a problem I look at whats going on around me and whats going on inside of me. This will usually lead to an answer of some sort that solves what is going on.
The first social institution that practices these beliefs are the Church. The church believes that we are born in sin, but can be close to perfect if we live a certain way. To me, it sounds like a manipulative plan to get people to act a certain way, instead of letting them figure it out on their own. Another institution would be our schools. They believe that we need to be educated enough to make certain decisions. We also hope to educated enough to get a high paying job.

Question 1

I definitely agree with Ruth Benedict that we are "creatures of our culture". Before a child is even born we can now determine the gender of the baby. Many people decorate the rooms in stereotypical gender like colors. Everyone knows that boys get blue things and girls get pink things. This is something that is apart of cour culture creates our beliefs about boys being more masculine and girls being more feminine. In other cultures the gender is important as well, but they don't have a sense of masculinity or femininity. As we get older we all learn what is considered culturally right and what is considered culturally wrong. I partake in a lot of things in my culture that are considered normal, but I also have this sense of rebellion against my culture. For example in the California culture there is a so much pressure to be skinny, pretty and tan. I tend to do little things to rebel against this part of our culture because I don't agree with the pressure to be attractive to other men. It seems like in our culture personality comes last and the pressure to be cute matters more. This is just one of the many ways we can break the cultural patterns. A lot of people are to scared to break cultural norms because our culture makes it scary. If one doesn't conform, they could risk being made fun of or getting a certain job.

post 3

One thing I found interesting about this chapter was the part about lying and non-verbal communication. I am a really bad liar and that's because I know its wrong to lie. So when I do lie I think my body shows it. One time my friends asked me a question and all I kept doing was shaking my head no. It was weird. I was trying so hard to lie but all I could do was shake my head. My body wouldn't let me lie, it was almost kind of funny. I think non-verbal communication is key to getting to know someone. When I meet someone new, I am more focused on their non-verbal behaviors than anything they tell me. For example, I will ask a particular question but instead of listening to the answer I tend to watch their body and eyes. If someones eye's dart around the room a lot, I don't think that they are trust worthy people because they are non-verbally communicating a sense that they are not comfortable with themselves and seem ashamed of something. Non-verbal communication plays a bigger role than we think. I wish they educated children more on non-verbal communication so we could possibly judge people in a more fair way than we do now and we could possibly avoid being around bad people this way.

question 2

In different cultures, different things are considered sexy on a woman. In India for example, thee eyes are considered sexy. So women cover their entire bodies from head to toe except for their eyes that show. This is a non-verbal message that communicates beauty or sex appeal in the Indian culture. In Indian tribes, the Indians wanted to show respect to an animal. They would do this in a non-verbal way by taking the bones in the animal and pierce their own skin with them and wear them as a piercing. This is to communicate respect of the animal in all ways. In America, piercing anything communicates a sense of rebellion and also a sens of disrespect to ones body.
I lived in Mexico for 19 months of my teen years. I was put into a boarding school there. We actually weren't aloud to talk. This was because they wanted us to think about all our actions instead of talking our way out of them. They wanted us to be on whats called "code silence". Because of this me and all the other people came up with a lot of different non-verbal ways to communicate. For example when we wanted something, we would point for it and that person would give it to you.

Question 1

I have most definitely been wrong about a persons non-verbal behavior. I feel like half the reason I am wrong at times is because of what I have been through before. I tend to hold onto assumptions to protect myself from things happening again. An example of this is when I saw my best friend roll her eyes at me. I made the assumption when she did that, that it was directed at me. I was talking to a bunch of our friends and when I saw her role her eyes I got extremely upset. I thought she was rolling her eyes because she was annoyed with me and wanted me to shut up. The whole night we were all partying and I made sure I avoided her. Then at the end of the night she came up to me and was hugging me and told she loved me and how she missed me because we didn't even hang out the entire night. I asked her if that were true than why did she roll her eyes at me while I was talking. She smiled and said she wasn't rolling her eyes at me, but she was rolling her eyes at this girl that was flirting with her boyfriend. Of course I immediately went "ohhhhh". I feel that the number one way to increase the way we interpret non-verbal messages is to not make assumptions. We need to heal form our past experiences so that they do not run our lives. This would stop people from assuming about peoples non-verbal behaviors.

post 3

The concept I found to be interesting was about the CMM theory. CMM stands for Coordinated Management of Meaning theory. This theory caught my attention because it facilitates good communication. It is one of the only theories that I agree works and that I try and practice in my life. It has an episode which is the event that two people are in. It has a relationship which “refers to the role obligations that we feel toward one another” (Trenholm, p.83). A life script which means our other identities that we play in the world and a cultural pattern which consists of the cultural norms were all supposed to follow. The CMM theory is a way of knowing the person you talk to through and through. So, if you know them well you make the right connections as they speak and you guys have a “flow” life conversation where you guys understand one another.

post 2 question 2

I agree that men and women use language differently. Men and Women are different because they are raised to be think that they are different. For example boys when they are born get everything in blue and girls get everything in pink. If you ask me, it is something that needs to change. I was actually in Vegas this weekend with 2 men. They way they spoke to each other and the way they spoke to me was definitely different. When they spoke to each other they used a deeper tone of voice. All they talked about was either getting "messed up" or they talked about how hot the girls were that walked by. Women on the other hand use high-pitch tones usually to communicate. And women speak about a variety of things from make-up to clothes to cute boys to the t.v. shows they watched that day. My observation shows that women use language to communicate while men use language to brag or express dominance over other things. I think our English language serves men more than it does women. This is because men are the ones who created the English dictionary. If a woman created some of the language, things would probably be more equal.

question 1 discussion 6

I do not think it is possible to perceive others without judging or categorizing them. I think this is because we has humans want to protect ourselves if we can and so judging and categorizing helps us do that at times. I do think however that you do not have to change yourself, just because of a judgement you have made or a category you put someone in. For example, lets say I met a girl who was blond, had a high pitch voice and dressed like she was looking for some attention. My judgement might be to not trust this girl because I would be assuming her to be a bimbo of some sort. Because there is no real way of telling if someone is good or bad forever, then I believe we shouldn't be waisting our time being a jerk to people based off of our own judgements. Even if the girl is a bimbo or isn't one, why should it matter to me? She has the right to live her life just as I have the right to live my own, so just because I judge her doesn't mean I need to change myself when I am around her. I call that giving someone your power. Why am I going to give someone I don't truly know or have any deep relationship with my good time? I think that is the message we are missing in this world. It is OK to judge and categorize to be aware of things, but don't ruin what your about just because of who they are.

Week 3 question 2

I think communicate is a big game at times between people! I have to use myself as an example. In relationships with boys, I tend to play a lot of games. I try not to, but I just end up doing it. One evening I called my boyfriend and he asked me to come over, but I felt like he didn't really want me to. As much as he was asking me to, I just didn't believe him. So I in turn played a communication game which was me saying no it's OK I got a lot to do anyways. The funny thing was that when I got off the phone, I was incredibly sad. I really wanted to see him, but couldn't;t speak my truth because I didn't want to be vulnerable with him. I think the pragmatic model explains how we as humans do communicate and play games instead of speaking our truths. You can see a pattern in a game and that's how u can predict what people will do in the pragmatic model. I think the flaw with this notion is it supports people not being real with themselves. If I would have been real that night my boyfriend wanted to see me, I would of told him how I truly felt. But something inside of me told me no, don't be real with someone who doesn't care. It is sad that I even talk to myself like that. That is a pattern for me! I almost always keep a wall up and it is a predictable pattern and many other people do it as well.

week 2 question 3

The concept that I found to be interesting was the psychological model. The model seemed to explain why we have so many miscommunication with others. A person speaks to another person which is called a receiver. The receiver encodes the message by putting it in terms that they understand because of their past experiences and beliefs. This explains why we as humans make so many assumptions when we communicate. The psychological model seems to prove how we all think the world revolves around us. Each person can't even step outside of themselves enough to truly practice active listening and not make assumptions The psychological model made me think that we will always be closed minded and that our life experiences is what determines our communication with others. This is definitely true. But I have found that although it is hard, you can most definitely not let your past experiences define you and how you communicate. For example, my dad used to always yell at me. I in turn learned to yell at people as my form of communication. But I noticed it one day, and ever since then I am constantly trying to lower my voice so that I am not so loud. The psychological model is half true, but it doesn't explain the fact that we don't have to communicate with assumptions.

week 2 question 1

I think the way we "build worlds" through communication varies. Everyone has their own habits, set of beliefs, and rules for the way they live. In the California culture there are lots of beautiful girls around and so we all tend to communicate about our looks and what is "cute", "hot" and "sexy". I have traveled to other cultures before and their ideas about beauty were completely different. I found the other cultures to have a more pure idea of what beauty truly is about. I think in America we put a big focus on whats beautiful. We have beauty pageant's that put so much pressure on the women to look, act and be a certain way. This is one part of our culture that I feel contributes to an unhappier "world" that we create. Another idea we talk about in our young culture of Santa Clara and probably a lot of other cities is partying. When a teen hits around 14 or 15 they start getting the pressure to drink and smoke pot because its considered "cool". I find the idea of drugs and alcohol kind of interesting because I have been to other cultures and each one seems to partake in some of those kinds of things. Partaking in things like drugs and alcohol have been apart of our "world" for along time. We even have special terms known as "slang" to communicate and that also builds our world that we live in.

Week 1 post 3

A concept that intrigued me in the Chapter 1 reading was about the way Aristotle's school was described. It sounded like the way our educational system should be and is often something I talk about in my life. Of course I would take out the part on women not being able to attend school. But Aristotle's school sounds beautiful. I liked how one would have to rise early and had a "paidagogos" that made sure one didn't miss class. I used to cut classes like crazy when I was younger because they were so incredibly boring! But if I had someone who influenced me and reminded me of why I would go to class every single day, life would have been allot easier. It's almost as if Aristotle understood we can't do everything on our own. At times we are weak human beings and when we are we need other peoples help. I think in America we seriously lack asking for help and its caused us a lot of problems. Also his school is described like it was really connected to nature. In the book it is mentioned that Aristotle used to walk with his students along pathways called "peripatos". I wish to god we would do something like that in school. I bet so many students would love to walk and discuss things instead of sitting in a "box" with no fresh air and uncomfortable desks. I also like what we used to learn back during that time. Nowadays high school and junior high is so incredibly dull that I really believed I had better things to do. I would of love to learn about life, and persuasive speaking and how it can affect our world if we learned it.

Question 2 Feb. 2

I agree with the Greeks saying that to be an orator, you must be morally good. There are many politicians in America who speak in public, but they manipulate instead of persuade. This shows that they are not morally good and actually have the ability to hurt us more than help us. How can you speak on something that you may have some knowledge about, but as a person you are fake, manipulative, and closed minded. People may listen to you at first because you sound smart, but once a person sees that your actions don't necessarily match your words they will stop listening to you.
I think the connection between goodness, truth and public communication should be something that is required to speak in public. If your speaking in front of a many different kinds of people, you should know that they are respecting you by taking time out of their own lives to listen. This means that in a sense there is a relationship that is forming between the speaker and the listeners. In a relationship, both people must give and take for it to flourish. So the listeners are giving their time and I think that means the speaker needs to give something too. If while they speak they have impure intentions of any sort, they are being a taker and I think don't deserve the position of being a public speaker.

Question 1

A speaker I admire is Tupak Shakur. He is known for being a rapper for changes to be made and he also wrote beautiful poetry. Because he was black, young, and powerful, he spoke in ways about the world that touched a lot of people of all different ages and races. He spoke the way he saw it from his point of view and that made him credible in his own community which Aristotle would refer to as having ethos. Tupak touched a lot of people with his lyrics in some of his songs and this gave him pathos. As for logos, he practiced it in the way he wrote in his poetry.

A personal quality that I have in regards to my speaking being persuasive is my ability to evoke emotion in people. I speak in a way that makes people connect with what I say. They tend to believe me because of how passionate I can get, because I am a passionate person. I also speak in a way that communicates trust because I look people in their eyes and I show no fear. This kind of covers Aristotle's view of having credibility because when you trust someone, you tend to believe what they say.

introduction

Hello to all!
My name is Raya and I am 22-years-old. I am majroing in communications with a minor in dance. I love to dance:) Any kind of movement that connects my mind with my body I enjoy. I am a very free spirit and very impulsive, but at the same time I am very kind and have a big heart. I value all of my relationships and I am the kind of girl who thinks love could make the world go round. I live on my own with 4 doggys. Me and my roomate who is my bestfriend take the dogs out 4 times a week and its one of our favorite things to do together. I am also a nanny and a house/pet sitter. I love my job because I get to work with adorible kids and at the same time I make pretty good money. I love to eat good food, play beer pong with my good buddies, enjoy a nice movie with my boyfriend and go for hikes. I also love nature:)
-Raya